Monthly Archives: July 2012

Ermahgerd!!!!!

I hit 1000 views!!! Yay!  Thanks guys, for checking me out! Now go share my blog with someone so I can hit 2000 views twice as fast! Also, go like my page at:

https://www.facebook.com/FatassInASkinnyWorld

Until then, here’s a picture to make you smile!

So go get some pizza!

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Categories: Thankyou, TOTD, Various | Leave a comment

Thought of the day–7/31/2012–Tuesday Rant Day

So, today is Tuesday, and it is therefore my rant day.  Yay!  I love to rant.  So, today’s rant will not really relate to being fat, although there will be a tiny little blurb about fatassedness in it at the end.  But anyways, I was just getting ready to go to bed last night when an article on Yahoo caught my eye.  It was titled “Zombies Show Up To Counter Westboro Baptist Church Protesters”.  Here’s the link:  Zombies Show Up…

Firstly, I would like to rant about the Westboro Baptist Church.  Those people are not Baptists, are not a church, and are not even Christian.  There is no way on the face of this planet that ANY Christian would behave the way that this group does in order to win people to Christ.  They are driving people away from Christ, and giving a bad name not only to Christians, but to all religions.  All they are doing is spreading a story of hate, and I can’t wait for the day that they get what they deserve.  The fact is, these people say that they are protesting homosexuality, and even their “church” website is http://www.godhatesfags.com.   They believe that God hates homosexuality above ALL other sins, and that everything bad that happens in the world is due to His wrath about the world becoming more tolerant of such.  I believe firstly, that God hates NO ONE.  He loves us all.  I do believe that he is disappointed in us when we sin, but in my book, this so-called “church” is worse than almost any other sin that may take place.  I mean, these people are brainwashing their children (which is abuse in my book) to continue to spread messages of hate, and no one is ever going to believe or put their faith in a God that they believe is causing all the terrible things in the world to happen.  And who knows, maybe he is.  I don’t know, I’m not gonna pretend to know what God’s will is.  But, I do believe that he feels no hate for anyone, and to act like a church and spread God’s hate and wrath will make even the most faithful Christian feel at least some animosity towards these people.

Apparently, their “church”/house was bombed in August of 1995, and they were upset because no one would show them any compassion, and they were met with hate at every turn.  Firstly, what do they expect?  They exude hate from every pore of their body, and they expect something different in return?  Did they ever picket themselves, saying they were bombed because God hated them?  Heck no.  I think other people should have though.  I think I am probably right in saying that these are easily the most hated people in America, and they way I see it, they deserve whatever they get.  As the saying goes, “You reap what you sow”.

So, here’s some pictures of the “zombies” from the protest.

So, the comments of most people on this article are supportive of the zombies.  Others are saying that they are no better than the WBC because they are also protesting, and it’s still a funeral.  I have to agree with both sides here.  I’m glad that someone took a stand against those people, but I am not sure if the situation was handled correctly.  I have read other articles about the WBC in the past few days (the seem to be making it into the news a lot, lately), and I like the idea of forming a human wall and not letting them through.  I think this would have been a better way to execute this, but again, I have to give these people props for standing up to the WBC in the first place.

Anyways, here is the second part of my rant.  When I pulled up the story, here was the very first comment:

  • Pogmothoin

 

Pogmothoin • 

Idiots protesting idiots, and notice how fat they are all. You know, a good execise program might help refocus all that energy on both sides.

Seriously?  All this crap going on, and all you can find to comment on is the fact that some of these people may be considered overweight?  Not the fact that people felt they needed to dress as zombies to stand up to a group of hatemongerers that feel they are above the law because half of them are lawyers and all of them are inbred?  This just goes to show the state of people these days.  To pull such a non-related issue as weight into something like this.  People just make me sick.  They really do.  I just don’t understand what goes through the mind of someone who feels the need to spread hate, whether it is over race, sexuality, size, or handicap.  All people have feelings, no matter who they are, and tearing them down and making them feel terrible about themselves is not going to help make a change in their lives.  You can’t expect someone to listen to you or heed your advice when all you do is show them how much you hate them or their lifestyle, and the people who insist on going about doing things this are are idiots and should really look in the mirror before they start trying to fix everyone else.

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Fat People Problems #10

Feel free to repost these anywhere, guys, but try to link them back to here if you can!

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Fat People Problems #9

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Fat People Problems #8

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Fat People Problems #7

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Fat People Problems #6

Feel free to repost these anywhere, guys, but try to link them back to here if you can!

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Furniture Follies

Hello out there, all my loyal viewers, (and those of you who wandered across my blog on accident)!  As you know, today is Sunday, and we all know that Sunday signals the arrival of that barrel of laughs that I like to call my “Sunday Big Post”.  So, sit back, relax, and try not to wet yourself in excitement as we discuss the joys of buying furniture!

Okay, so some (or most) of you out there probably just cocked an eyebrow at me and went, “Huh?”  Well, let me tell you, when your ass is so fat it needs its own zipcode, buying furniture becomes more of a chore than a fun shopping experience. 

                Now look around your house at all of your furniture and make a mental checklist of all the pieces that you plant your fat (or skinny) ass in on a daily basis.  Couch, loveseat, recliner, desk chair, dining chair, toilet seat, bed, folding chair, foldable camping chair, etc.  Yeah.  Now we’ll make a list of how many of those things my fat ass has broken.  Couch, recliner, desk chair (x2), dining chair (x2), foldable camping chair (x3), toilet seat (x3), folding chair, and finally, bed (x3).  Uh, yeah.  So my fat ass has broken pretty much any piece of furniture you can throw at it.  And trust me, having your folding chair buckle and break, spilling you into the floor like some repulsive puddle of fat during a wedding ceremony is not a fun experience.  Neither is breaking the toilet seat at your in-law’s house.  Twice.  In one week. 

                Now, some of you are probably laughing hysterically and others are probably shaking their heads in disgust going, “Good Lord, you would think ONE broken toilet seat would be enough to tell him to lay off the cheeseburgers!”  Well, it wasn’t.  What it did tell me though, is this:  Firstly- Replacing furniture sucks ass.  It’s expensive, embarrassing, and sometimes results in the same experience, i.e.- being vomited into the floor by a chair that finally gives up the ghost after supporting your fluffiness for 36.5 seconds.  And by fluffiness, I mean your 862lb. ass.  Secondly- This just goes to show that furniture makers need to quit being such cheapskates.  I mean, I weigh nowhere NEAR 862 lbs, and I’ve still broken ALL that furniture.  What about all those fatties out there who are fluffier than me?!  Those guys must either be really good friends with the furniture store salesman, or they must get a great deal for buying furniture in bulk. 

                I have learned a trick or two in the past for bypassing the expense part, but I’ve found it only works on those foldable camping chairs, and it only works at Walmart.  What you do is, after having squeezed your fat ass into the moaning, groaning chair at that benefit concert that your wife dragged you to, then, after it suddenly pops loudly and spills you out onto your back, your feet waving in the air like some deranged synchronized swimmer, you, first:  wave off all the excited concert goers that have rushed over to help you. Second: you drag your fat ass up off the ground without flashing your huge, flabby stomach and wonderfully unappealing butt crack to every single person within a 100 foot radius.  And third: You pack up your now-broken chair, drive to Walmart, buy a new identical chair, then bring in the broken one with the receipt from the new one and return it.  Like I said, this only works at Walmart.  Those guys are really stupid, and don’t look at anything.  Just tell them the chair was broken, and they will nod their head, throw the broken chair in a basket behind them, and hand you a fistful of cash.  Don’t believe me?  Just look at their “Rollback” prices…I mean, really?  And people, heed my warning!  DO NOT DO THIS AT TARGET!  They are NOT stupid there.

Those Target people are freakin’ return Nazis.  If you try to pull this scam at Target, you will be arrested, tried for manslaughter, and sentenced to death.  Well, that is pretty much what happens ANY time you try to return something to Target, but I digress. 

So anyways, whenever you go to buy new furniture, it’s always important to test it out.  Sit on that couch and bounce around on it a bit.  If it creaks, or Heaven forbid, breaks under the weight of your mountain of fat, it’s probably a good idea to rule that one out.  What I love is when you go look at furniture that is supposedly made for fatasses, and the weight limit is like, 350lbs.  I mean, seriously?  I’m gonna pay 500 bucks for a desk chair that is supposedly “Big and Tall”, and is catered to fatties, and it only goes to 350?  My left leg weighs that much!  Not to mention that almost ANY of the other chairs will hold 350lbs, and the will cost me $250 less.  I may be a fatass, but Mama didn’t raise no fool.  I think I’ll take my chance with a regular chair, thanks.

                Another important thing to look at is girth.  When choosing a chair, it’s always good to look at chairs with no arms.  This includes dining chairs, office chairs, desk chairs, etc.  Chairs are generally not made for people with an ass 600 inches across, hence the reason I have nick-named chairs with arms “Fat people torture chairs”.  Because that is exactly what they are.  I mean, there is nothing like trying to wedge yourself into a chair, then having the arms dig into your thighs or kidneys, leaving you bruised and bloodied after your are cut out of it with a power saw minutes later. 

      So, with that, I think we will end our little learning session, and put the lid back on our barrel of laughs.  What have we learned today?  Well, we have learned how to break the law, or at least bend it, how many pieces of furniture Nick’s fat ass has broken, and that any chair with arms is automatically dubbed a “Fat people torture chair”.  Also, NEVER RETURN ANYTHING TO TARGET!  So now people, go out, buy some fat-friendly furniture, and enjoy!  It’s late, so I’m gonna go to bed.  Hopefully it won’t break in the process.  Good night!
Categories: Bigpost | 1 Comment

Thought of the day–7/27/2012 “Weekly Update” Week 1

Well hello out there, all you virtual peeps!  Okay, well, maybe you aren’t virtual, maybe that is me.  I guess it just depends on which side of this computer we are on, doesn’t it?  Anyways, enough with my loony ranting.  So I am FINALLY caught up with my thoughts of the day for this week, which I had to do because I was introducing new daily categories every day this week, and sadly, I missed Wednesday and Thursday, which I’m sure kept you guys on the edge of your seat in anticipation.  Am I right?  No.  Oh, okay then.  WHATEVER!

So it’s Friday, and as I mentioned a few weeks ago, my wife and I are going to start on Weight Watchers.  Now, I’ve done this diet before, but hopefully this time, the results will stick.  I guess if I can actually stick to it for longer than six months, that might happen.  That is why this is good for me.  Fridays will now be “Weekly Update” days, where I let you guys know how I did on my diet the previous week and how much weight I lost.  I will also post pictures so you guys can see for yourself.  This way, if I do bad, I know I will have you guys to answer to, and I will be embarassed, and I will be fat, and you know, it’s a vicious cycle and all.  Anyways, so yeah, Fridays will be diet update day.  But sadly, even though today is Friday, we haven’t started yet, so I guess my first real update will come next week.

So, until then, here is a picture to cheer you up!

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Thought of the day–7/26/2012 “Whatever”

What up, peeps?  So, here is my make up “Thought of the day” for yesterday, which was Thursday, so that you guys can quit biting your fingernails and finally know what the Thursday topic is.  Even though it’s Friday.  Yeah.  Sorry about that…

So I think that Thursday will be my “Whatever” day.  This is a day to post articles that I have read or have been shared with me, to share my random thoughts with you guys, or to link you to some great blog that I have found that deals with fattyness.  So today, my “Whatever” thought comes from an article that was shared by my friend Nicole, who I would like to thank for always sharing stuff with me at exactly the time I need it.  Thanks, Nicole!

The article is called Breaking Up (With Junk Food) Is Hard To Do, and it consists of three letters that people wrote to “break up” with junk food.  You guys should totally read it, and if you are SUPER bored, write your own and post it as a comment!  I would love to read your letter!

Breaking Up (With Junk Food) Is Hard To Do

And, for your entertainment, I wrote my own “break up” letter with junk food, and here it is:

My Dearest Junk Food:

Oh, let me tell you how I love you!  You are so good, so convenient, and you come in so many forms.  Candy, cookies, ice cream, I don’t know what I will do without you in my life, but you have to leave.  You see, I have someone else.  Her name is Crystal, and she is more important to me that you guys ever were.  I’m sorry, but it’s true.  I know that you guys love me as I am, fluffy and fabulous, and I know that if you had your way, you would keep me that way forever.  But sadly, if I continue to see you, forever may not last that long.  So, in the interest in getting to spend time with my other love, my Crystal, I have to say goodbye.  So please, let’s not prolong this, I’d like you to leave, even if I love you with all my stomach.  And don’t worry.  We can still be friends.  We just won’t be able to hang out quite as much.  We need to limit out visits, because you know, Crystal, she can be jealous.  She wants me all to herself, and she wants me for a LONG time.  So, Junk Food, I’m sorry.  I love you, and I always will, but enough is enough.

With deepest sympathies (and much stomach growling),

Nick

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