Hey guys! So, today I want to share with you the joy that is “What You See And What You Get”. For this week’s post, I decided to get brave and try one of the “Asian Inspired” meals, seeing as I was totally craving some chinese and I was unable to go get it. Now, as you probably know, going with microwavable chinese food is iffy at best, but I worked up the nerve, stocked up on the toilet paper, and went for it.
Now, this week’s dish, as you can see, was a Healthy Choice Asian Inspired Cafe Steamer. God, that’s a long title, and that’s not even the actual freakin’ name. It was Sweet Sesame Chicken, mixed with white rice, sugar snap peas, mushrooms, and carrots in a “Sweet and spicy sesame sauce”. Now, I should have known what was coming when I started cooking it. I threw the sucker in for 4 minutes and about walked out of the kitchen to check some laundry. Yes, I do laundry. ANYWAYS, when I came back into the kitchen, I was smacked in the face by the smell of radioactive rotting monkey ass, almost strong enough to knock me down. I forgot that I farted right as I walked out of the kitchen, and MAN, it was a bad one! It just lingered and lingered. No, just kidding. Or am I? I’m not sure anymore. But yeah, the smell…You know the delicious scent as you walk into your favorite Chinese buffet? The smell of greasy egg rolls, chicken fried rice, and more foreign meats than you could ever hope to identify? Yeah, that wasn’t quite what I got from this $3.89 box of chinese delicacy. What I got instead was something that was pretty unidentifiable, a fungus-y, sweet-n-spicy, “do I really have to eat this crap?” kind of smell. Then, I mustered up my nerve, and with the help of a gas mask, opened the microwave.
Now, you may be wondering why I did such a thing if the odor was noxious enough to knock me on my overly plump ass. Well, I was hungry, and this was all I had to eat, so you know, you gotta do what you gotta do. As the saying goes, beggers can’t be choosers. So yeah, I opened the microwave, pulled out my meal, and this is what I found:
So yeah, it doesn’t look so bad does it? Not nearly as pretty as on the box, but they never are. The taste, however…man! It was delicious! Yeah, delicious. Oh, no wait, sorry. I’m still fighting off some of the side-effects of this horrifying meal, including the ability to think clearly. It was disgusting. Maybe not the most disgusting thing I’ve ever had. I mean, it wasn’t like eating a pile of “Two girls, One cup” (if you don’t get this reference, then God has smiled down on you), but you know, it was pretty bad. The mushrooms were overwhelming, the sauce was pretty terrible, and overall, on a scale of 1-10, I’d probably give it a -3. It is definitely not something I would add to my meal selection again any time soon, and I seriously recommend that if you are craving chinese, you just haul your ass to the nearest Panda Buffet and risk food poisoning and at least 12 hours of explosive diarrhea on food that at least tastes good.