Posts Tagged With: bigotry

I’m fat so my cat will be too?

Hey guys!  So, a few days ago, I came across an article on that made me laugh because it was so utterly ridiculous.  The link is here:

According to the article, if you are overweight and own a cat, it is probable that your cat will also be fat.  Their rationale:  cats are smart and will mimic your behaviors.  AKA, all fatasses must be constantly raiding the fridge all day every day, which makes your cat want to go eat all day every day too.  Firstly, I’ve had multiple cats, and I agree, they are very smart.  Secondly, my cats were usually by my side the majority of the time I was home.  Thirdly, even though I was fat, my cats were not.  This is the stupidest study I’ve ever heard of and is just another way that people will discriminate and hate on us fatties.  I mean, people already assume that if you are fat and you have fat kids that it’s automatically your fault that they’re fat (which may be true in some cases, but certainly not all), and now they are saying that if you are fat and you have fat animals, it’s also your fault?!  Good Lord.  Will this hatemongering ever end?!  Whatever people.  That’s all I have to say about that.

Categories: rant | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Resolutions, anyone?

Hey guys!  Happy Monday to you all, as I’m sure you all woke up bright and cheery and looking forward to another LLLLLLOOOOONNNNNGGGGG week of work, right?  I know I did! Anyways, as today is January 7th, I wanted to ask you guys, how are the resolutions going?  We have now been into the year 2013 for a full week, and I’m sure that most of you who got that 1-year gym membership on January 1st have already found some excuse as to why you couldn’t go and rolled over and slept an extra hour at least three times already.  Am I right?  Of course I am!  Anyways, I just wanted to share with you guys about my resolution, and let you know how I’m doing.

So yeah, I’m gonna give you three guesses as to what my resolution was, and the first two guesses don’t count.  You got it?  Yep…I want to lose weight in the new year.  But you know what?  It’s much more than that for me.  This year, I’m turning 29, which sadly (and obviously), is the last year of my twenties.  If, at any time in the world I could finally consider myself an true adult, it is at the end of my twenties.  I mean, at this point, I’m expected to have a career, a house, kids, a dog, cat, hamster, and fish, a white picket fence, and some annoying neighbors who are too nosy for their own good.  Well, I have a good job (doesn’t pay great, but I absolutely love it, anyways), I do own a house (even though I don’t live in it), and as for the rest, well, they haven’t happened yet.  But, the thing is, I want them.  Well, at least the kids…we can leave off the rest and I’d be ok with that.  But you know, even if I had kids right now, I can imagine it would be pretty miserable.  I mean, for a guy of my size, I feel like I’m pretty fit.  I mean, I got out and walked 2 miles the other day.  Do you see a lot of 400lb + men out there doing that?  I know I don’t.  But you know, that doesn’t mean that it’s okay.  I was trying to fit into a shirt the other day and realized something as I looked in the mirror.  Firstly, I looked like a balloon.  Secondly, I realized how much weight I’ve gained recently.  And, I mean, I’ve been stressed out lately, and then you know, it was the holidays, but still…Looking in the mirror, I realized that my man-boobs now rival Dolly Parton’s, my stomach is roughly the size of the Good Year blimp, and my thighs could be mistaken for those of a t-rex if only they weren’t as white as Casper the Ghost.  So if I did have kids, A) I would be constantly out of breath, and B) I would stand a pretty good chance of rolling over and killing them as we played.  But, seriously…I don’t want to go through life having my kids judged because of what I am.  I mean, I don’t wanna be the fat dad raising fat kids who everyone hates and blames for high taxes and health insurance.  Just take this article, for instance:  (

Firstly, you can see an obvious issue.  It’s an article about obesity covered in McDonalds ads.  Yeah.  Second, see that picture on the side?

The one with the two overweight ladies talking to each other?  I really hate pictures like that, not because I hate fat people (obviously), or that I find them disgusting, but because I find the practice of reducing these people down to nothing but their obesity is a horrible practice.  But, other people have different opinions, and I’ll share some of the comments with you:

Anonymous13 mins ago

It’s TIME to take this disgusting photo DOWN.  We’ve viewed it too many times, already.  We “get the picture”.  Food stamps…….lazy…..taxpayers’ burdens.

fuzzyface20 hrs ago

At least those big women in the pict. can give a lot of shade in the cruel hot sun.

Klyde1 hr 25 mins ago

ROFL , 2  black porkers arguing about where they are going to eat lunch at

Robert F2 hrs 6 mins ago

Many Americans have become so arrogant and stupid they think that being criticized for being a big fat slob is something they should rebel against and that the people criticizing them are in the wrong for pointing out their gluttony . The reality is they should be ashamed of themselves for allowing themselves to get so fat in the first place. They deserve to get laughed at and criticized for being so fat, lazy and such slobs

You can see that people don’t react too kindly to us fatasses.  I just don’t understand what it is in our nature that makes us want to lash out at others to make ourselves feel better.  How is someone being overweight affecting you in such a way that you need to feel such hate and anger towards them?  Is it because of the fact that they raise heathcare costs?  Well, so do all of the smokers who end up with COPD and emphysema, so do all of your 90 year old grannies who end up in the hospital with bronchitis because they insisted on walking around the block in the 27 degree cold, and so do all those stupid idiots who insist on texting and driving who wreck their cars and end up spending months in the hospital and in physical rehab.  Should we just tear those people down too and make them feel like they are lower than the lowest scum?  Robert F.’s comment here is probably my favorite, because he actually put some thought into it, as opposed to the other assholes who just decided to insult people to make them feel better about themselves.  These people just don’t understand that it’s not as easy as putting down the Big Mac and getting out and walking.  I started getting fat when I was six years old.  My mom took me to the doctor (who did absolutely nothing), and she never got fat, nor did my brother, so I’m assuming it wasn’t something she was doing.  But you know what?  Robert F. up there thinks that because my six year old self allowed me to get fat, that I deserve to be laughed at and criticized.  Because at six, I had to be a fat and lazy slob.  Yeah.  And because I’m a fat a lazy slob now.
Anyways, I want to lose weight because of that.  Because I’m NOT a fat, lazy slob.  I DON’T deserve to be laughed at and criticized and neither do my kids. I don’t want them to be embarrassed to introduce their dad to their friends because he is fat.  I do my part in life, I work just like everyone else, I pay my bills, my taxes inflated by healthcare costs, and yet I do not feel the need to laugh at fat people.  Well, not because they are fat anyways…I laugh at them for doing and wearing stupid things, but hey, I laugh at skinny people for that too, I just don’t post about it.  Maybe I should…who knows?  But whatever…I’m trying to change, and I’m trying hard.  I am trying to exercise more, even though it’s hard.  My wife and I are looking at joining a gym.  I’m trying to be more consious about what I eat, and how much I eat.  But it’s a hard road.  My body wants what it wants.  Have you guys ever seen Mad TV with the Stuart skits, played by Michael McDonald?  It’s like that….whenever Stuart gets chocolate, his mom tells him not to eat it and he shoves it in his mouth as quick as possible.  It’s funny, but it’s like what my body does.  I’m like, I want some chocolate, I think I’ll eat just one piece.  Then, before I can stop myself, I’ve eaten 10 and I’m filled with regret.  You may laugh, but really, it’s just like that.












But yeah, I guess I need to work on that.  Anyways, I guess that’s an update as to how my resolution is going, and a little background into why hopefully, this year will be different.  So with that, I will sign off for today, and I’ll see you guys tomorrow!



Categories: Bigpost, TOTD | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Uh, yeah…

So, today, I was maybe gonna post a “What you see and what you get”, but I was on Pinterest and saw a post for something on Buzzfeed, headed on over there, and BAM!  Like magic, all thoughts disappeared and I was sucked into the void that Buzzfeed is.  So, I pulled a bunch of stuff that I laughed at off of there and I’m gonna post it all right here for you!  So sit back, relax, and hopefully, laugh!  (all photos are from!)


#1:  Now, I don’t like to make fun of people.  No wait, scratch that.  I like to make fun of EVERYBODY, but I like to make fun of them equally.  I make fun of you, of her, of him, and most importantly, of myself.  Some people may get the impression that I like to make fun of fat people because I do the “Fat People Shouldn’t” and I guess it may come across as making fun of them.  The thing is, I’m fat, so I feel like I can.  I’m not skinny, so I’m not gonna just make fun of skinny people and then get a bunch of flak about how I just hate skinny bitches because I’m jealous, lazy, blah, blah, etc.  Maybe I should just do a “People Shouldn’t”  and put pictures of fat people, skinny people, ugly people, panda bears,  unicorns, and the occasional building, but you know, how would it fit my theme of “Fatass in a skinny world” then?  It wouldn’t, so shut yo mouth!  ANYWAYS…good God, did I just rant that much when i was supposed to be captioning this picture?  Yeah, sorry.  So yeah, the real #1:

You KNOW there’s a problem when you have to pull up a chair in the Burger King line.  I know that the “Have it your way” slogan make for some tediously long waits sometimes, but seriously?  Lady, I hope you have a wooden leg and you’re sitting because it’s digging into your stump of a thigh, because I see no other reason this sort of behavior.




#2:  I wish I had an 8×10 of this picture, because it would be hanging in my office.  The look on this lady’s face literally made me lol.  Yeah, it did.  Maybe she accidentally farted and that’s her “oops!” face.  Yeah, I’m pretty sure that is what’s happening here.



#3:  Mmmmm, cheese.  That’s all I have to say about that! (okay, one more thing…did you notice her dress has an african safari on it?  Oh yeah, now THAT is sexy!  This is what I’m talking about, all you stupid-ass clothing designers!  Who the hell wants to wear a dress with tigers, bison, and, what the hell…is that a unicorn?!  Yeah, no.  Whoever designed this should be forced to wear it for as long as they live.  Now THAT is all I have to say about THAT!)



#4:  I’m not sure what to think about this one.  Firstly, who let her walk out of the house in that shit?  Secondly, who let her actually WORK in that shit, and thirdly, why in the hell did she actually decide to buy and wear that shit?  Because, let me tell you, that shit AINT the shit!



#5:  No comment, just got a giggle looking at this one 😀



#6:  Oh, Paula Deen, I love you.  Your face, while devouring this monsterous cookie/ice cream/chocolate/little piece of Heaven just says it all!  No words are needed!  Love you, Paula!



#7:  Oh my…


Categories: Bigpost, TOTD, Various | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Spider-Bite Diet, My New Weight-Loss Sensation!

Hey, everybody!  Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, and hope equally that you all came home from Black Friday shopping un-maimed and trample-free!  Today, I want to discuss with you an interesting topic that somehow found its way to the food-filled dinner table yesterday, as odd topics will when you get a bunch of random crazies together in the same room.  While pleasantly downing a teensy tiny brownie (okay, maybe not so teensy), I overheard a story being told about a brown recluse bite that one of my wife’s uncles had received a few years ago.  Now, as those of you who know me in the real world have already been informed, my house is like some kind of spider refuge, evidenced by the never-ending streamers of web that show up in every nook and cranny of our house, not to mention the spiders generally hanging out either in them, or, in one unpleasant case, climbing up my arm as I brushed my teeth.  I’ve seen orb weavers, jumping spiders, crab spiders, cobweb spiders, and the always infamous black widows.  But the really invasive ones, the ones who decided that they would move in and start a huge family that spans from one end of our house to the other, that would be the brown recluse.  I have seen more brown recluses in my house that I have seen doughnuts and cupcakes, so you KNOW that means there must be a lot of them!  So, like any smart person, I listened in on the story (which didn’t end up being all that interesting) and came out with this little tidbit of information:  Apparently, brown recluse spiders, like every other creature on this earth, hates fatasses.  Now, what do I mean by that?  Well, let me tell you.  According to my wife’s uncle, brown recluse venom causes damage to fat faster than it does muscle.  So, if I got bitten at the same time as some gym loving, weight lifting, vegetable-obsessed, fat deprived skinny bitch, my fat, jiggly rump would rot off much faster than their firm, tight little ass.  What the hell?!  How is that shit fair?  But you know, that kinda got me to thinking…Maybe it’s not such a bad thing.  I mean, how many of us have dieted over and over and over, never able to lose our fat?  Maybe it’s time for a new strategy.  Maybe, just maybe, I should comb over my house, catch all 549,374,750,983,509,834,509,883,095,340,598 brown recluses that are living in it, pour them in the bathtub, then jump in with them.  I’ll sustain about a bajillion bites, and all the fat on my body will suddenly melt away.  Who could ask for more?  I mean, yeah, I’ll be horribly disfigured, but you know what?  People are WAY more accepting of someone who is maimed than someone who is fat.  At least if your face looks like someone tried to massage it with a concrete block, people tend not to blame it on the fact that you’re just a lazy asshole who doesn’t want to be any different.  Yeah, I’ll get stared at when my eyeballs start oozing down my blackened, necrotic cheeks, but hey, I won’t be able to see, so I won’t give two shits.  So, if you wanna lose a bunch of weight really fast, and you don’t care if random fingers, toes, and chunks of flesh fall off randomly while you’re walking, grab a jar, a towel, and come join me in my bathtub!  We’re in for a frighteningly good time!

Categories: Bigpost, TOTD | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hide The Fatties!!!!!!!

Hey guys!  What’s up?  Got an interesting observation to share with you guys today, and I just wanted to see if anyone else has noticed anything similar.  So, this past weekend, my wife and I went clothes shopping.  Now, I don’t do this often, as clothes shopping is pretty much the bane of every fatty’s existence, but I’m going to be shooting the video at the wedding of a couple of friends on December 1st, (congrats, Justin and Alicia!), and I had to go get a new shirt and some pants, as I have no decent dress shirts and I’m about 50lbs too fat for the black dress pants that I bought a few years ago.  Ahhh…the joys of being a fatass, right?  Anyways, so we went to JCPenny first, as they have a decent Fatass section, got some pants, and then tried not to complain too much when my wife started searching for clothes.  This continued through a few more stores, (and a few more $100 dollar bills), but over the course of the day, I noticed something that all of the stores had in common.  Firstly, next time you go in a store, look around and see if you can find the Big and Tall or Plus-Size sections.  And no, I’m not complaining because they don’t actually exist, because usually they do, no matter how woeful their selection may be.  I’m talking about their location.  Location, Location, Location.  It’s important, isn’t it?  So, where is the Fatass section in most stores?  As you may have guessed, it is generally located in some far-off, obscure corner of the store, miles from anything you may ever want or need.  After thinking it over, I’ve come up with a few probable reasons for this:

1) Store designers/CEO’s/Owners/Managers/Employees/Skinny Bitches/etc. don’t want to have to be seen anywhere near the disgusting Fatasses also shopping for (tent-sized) clothes.  I mean, they might catch a terrible case of obesity and end up going home with giant love handles and chafing thighs.

2) Maybe they are afraid they will slip in a puddle of fried chicken grease or be beaten to death by a fatty who mistakes the brown sweater you’re holding up for a giant steak.  Who knows for sure?

3) It was deemed by the Store-Owners Association of America that the Fatass section should be put at the furthest possible location from any exit in order to force us fatties to get some much needed exercise.  How else could you explain the fact that by the time I found the Big and Tall section in JCPenny #2, (yeah, we went to multiple locations), everyone had a British accent and I had to exchange my American dollars to British pounds?  £400.00 for my 400lb. ass seems appropriate, right?  Nevermind the fact that I also had to walk 400 miles to get there…

Anyways, I just think it’s a load of shit.  Just because fatties aren’t deemed by society to be as pretty or desirable as skinny bitches, we are forced to shop in the sub-basement of the store like some leprous version of Michael Jackson, dropping bits of his nose here and there as he searches for giant Hawaiian print Golden Girls shirts.

So, those are my thoughts.  What do you guys think?  Have you noticed similar patterns, and if you have, how did you find your way out of the hidden cellar hole where you found appropriate clothes?  Bread crumbs?  Rope?  GPS?  Let me know!

Categories: Bigpost | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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