Posts Tagged With: wreck
So, today, I was maybe gonna post a “What you see and what you get”, but I was on Pinterest and saw a post for something on Buzzfeed, headed on over there, and BAM! Like magic, all thoughts disappeared and I was sucked into the void that Buzzfeed is. So, I pulled a bunch of stuff that I laughed at off of there and I’m gonna post it all right here for you! So sit back, relax, and hopefully, laugh! (all photos are from www.buzzfeed.com!)
#1: Now, I don’t like to make fun of people. No wait, scratch that. I like to make fun of EVERYBODY, but I like to make fun of them equally. I make fun of you, of her, of him, and most importantly, of myself. Some people may get the impression that I like to make fun of fat people because I do the “Fat People Shouldn’t” and I guess it may come across as making fun of them. The thing is, I’m fat, so I feel like I can. I’m not skinny, so I’m not gonna just make fun of skinny people and then get a bunch of flak about how I just hate skinny bitches because I’m jealous, lazy, blah, blah, etc. Maybe I should just do a “People Shouldn’t” and put pictures of fat people, skinny people, ugly people, panda bears, unicorns, and the occasional building, but you know, how would it fit my theme of “Fatass in a skinny world” then? It wouldn’t, so shut yo mouth! ANYWAYS…good God, did I just rant that much when i was supposed to be captioning this picture? Yeah, sorry. So yeah, the real #1:
You KNOW there’s a problem when you have to pull up a chair in the Burger King line. I know that the “Have it your way” slogan make for some tediously long waits sometimes, but seriously? Lady, I hope you have a wooden leg and you’re sitting because it’s digging into your stump of a thigh, because I see no other reason this sort of behavior.
#2: I wish I had an 8×10 of this picture, because it would be hanging in my office. The look on this lady’s face literally made me lol. Yeah, it did. Maybe she accidentally farted and that’s her “oops!” face. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that is what’s happening here.
#3: Mmmmm, cheese. That’s all I have to say about that! (okay, one more thing…did you notice her dress has an african safari on it? Oh yeah, now THAT is sexy! This is what I’m talking about, all you stupid-ass clothing designers! Who the hell wants to wear a dress with tigers, bison, and, what the hell…is that a unicorn?! Yeah, no. Whoever designed this should be forced to wear it for as long as they live. Now THAT is all I have to say about THAT!)
#4: I’m not sure what to think about this one. Firstly, who let her walk out of the house in that shit? Secondly, who let her actually WORK in that shit, and thirdly, why in the hell did she actually decide to buy and wear that shit? Because, let me tell you, that shit AINT the shit!
#5: No comment, just got a giggle looking at this one 😀
#6: Oh, Paula Deen, I love you. Your face, while devouring this monsterous cookie/ice cream/chocolate/little piece of Heaven just says it all! No words are needed! Love you, Paula!
#7: Oh my…
Hey guys!!! Sorry about no real post today…kinda busy buying a new car as my other car is laying smashed in about a bajillion pieces so yeah, here is a picture of what the new one looks like (a stock picture…this isn’t actually my car).
RIP Honda!!! I will remember you fondly for those four wonderful months we had together!!!
Hey guys. So, tonight I come to you from a place that isn’t my normal sarcastic and obnoxious self, but a depressed and down self. This isn’t gonna be a normal post so much as a sort of journal entry, so consider yourself warned; if you don’t wanna read my depressed ravings, it might be better to check back on Monday, where I will, hopefully, be in a better mood.
Anyways, you may be asking what I’m so depressed about. Well, anyone who reads regularly or knows me knows that I was in a car accident a few weeks ago. Now, thankfully, neither I, nor the woman who hit me was seriously injured, although I did spend half a day in the emergency room and had to take three days off work (she was fine and went on to work). It’s just that now, almost three weeks later, I’m informed that her insurance company has decided that my car is totaled, and that is where the problem and stress lies. Now, I just bought this car in the summer; we just sent off our fifth payment yesterday, if that tells you how new it is. And you know, it’s not even that it’s practically a brand new car…the problem is the fact that we still owe just over $22,000 for it and the insurance company only wants to pay us $19,000. That leaves us saddled with $3,000 in debt for a car that we don’t even have and couldn’t even drive if we did. I mean, I went and got the last of my stuff out of it yesterday, and it was laying there with broken pieces scattered all around it. I can see why it was totaled, but why do they have to screw me over so bad? I mean, I did absolutely nothing wrong. I was just driving to work, and suddenly, I was smashed up, my car was smashed up, and I was suddenly in a heap of debt. How is it fair that I should have to pay a penny? And don’t even say that life isn’t fair. I know life isn’t fair, but this, this is a giant, heaping load of bullshit. I mean, I now have exactly 7 days to come to an agreement with her insurance company and buy a new car. And why 7 days? Because that is when her insurance company stops paying for my rental.
So, I’ve learned a few things in this mess that I would like to pass on to you, and I wish I could go back in time and pass them on to me too, but live and learn, I guess.
#1: Gap Insurance–Now, some of you may have heard of this before, but until this mess, I hadn’t. What gap insurance is is insurance that pays the “gap” in what is covered by insurance and what is owed. So, in my case, insurance wants to pay $19K and I owe $22K…Gap Insurance would take care of paying the $3K “gap”. Now, I’ve heard this could be a pretty penny, but you know, the way car dealers are these days, selling cars for so much more than they bluebook for, it’s probably worth it.
#2: Car Insurance–Truthfully, I don’t know if I just have a bad company or I just have a fantasy view of what these people should actually be doing, but I really don’t see the point of it all. I mean, I have had to deal with this whole situation alone. My insurance company has not offered to help in any way, not even when I asked them. All I was told was that I would have to take it up with her insurance company. And you know, I feel like that is ALSO a load of shit. What am I paying these people for if they are just gonna sit on their asses when I need help? And before you ask, I’m not gonna tell you who my insurance company is, or who hers is…the last thing I need is someone suing me for libel and slander. Anyways, I am just severely disappointed with the quality of services I have received.
#3: Life isn’t fair, so don’t waste your time complaining when the world gets down on you–Through this whole thing, my issue has been the issue of fairness. It seems to me that I shouldn’t have to do a thing in this situation. I didn’t cause the accident, I wasn’t at fault, she was. To me, it seems like between my insurance company and hers, they should deal with each other, deal with my car, and get me a new comparable car without any hassle to me. I mean, I did nothing wrong. Why should I be out $3,000 and a car when this other woman made the mistake? I should be able to go on my merry way in a rental and come home one day with a new car sitting in my driveway waiting for me, like the whole thing was just a bad dream and never really happened. But alas, it DID happen, and I have to pay the price for someone else’s dumb mistake. And you know what? That is how the world we live in works. We are all paying for someone else’s mistakes in some way, and I guess it’s time we just learn to bend over and take it, because it’s a dog-eat-dog world, and even if you don’t get eaten, eventually, you’ll at least suffer a bite.
Hey guys! Time for your weekly dose of “Fat People Shouldn’t”!!!! Let’s all get up and cheer right?! Not to mention, it’s lucky 13! Yeah!
“Fat People Shouldn’t” #13
Fat people shouldn’t decide on a random Wednesday that they need to go shopping when it’s actually laundry day. I mean, some people may be able to pull off the whole “let me just stuff these perky bitches in my pants” thing…okay wait…no. No one can. Because if you can stuff those “perky” bitches in your pants, they most DEFINITELY aren’t perky. Let’s leave your delusions at home, where apparently, you left the rest of your outfit.
Hey guys! It’s been an exciting day! And not exciting in a good way. I almost died!!!! This morning, on my way to work, I was just driving along, minding my own business, being awesome (like usual), and suddenly, I was pushing a smoking airbag out of my face, choking on powder, and wandering around my smashed up car like some dazed-out crackhead. After walking around in circles like a zombie, I was advised by some people that I should probably sit back down in my car, (which I didn’t want to do, as the airbag was still pouring smoke out of it), but I did. Minutes later, 2 cops, 2 firetrucks, and an ambulance arrived, and as the other driver was up walking around admitting to everyone that the accident was her fault (which it was, but it was really nice of her to admit it), I realized all of those were there for me. And I was really embarrassed. I mean, I was fine. Yeah, I had some pain on my right side, but definitely not ambulance pain. I was advised to go to the hospital, which again, I didn’t want to do, but after my wife showed up, it became less of an option and more like I was going whether I wanted to or not. Anyways, after all of this, you may be asking yourself, “How, Nick, did your man-boobs save your life, and what does that have to do with a car accident you had this morning?” Well, let me explain to you…After getting to the hospital, getting naked (upon request, which doesn’t happen much, let me tell you!), and looking in the mirror, I noticed that my right boobie was black, blue, and purple, and I realized, it had possibly saved my life! I meean, if it hadn’t been for my boob taking most of the impact, what would have happend? My ribs would’ve taken it! Would they have been broken? Pierced my lungs? My spleen? My HEART?! Possibly. You just never know. And in that way, my man-boobs saved my life. And think about it: Say a fatty gets stabbed. They stand less of a chance of sustaining major damage than a skinny bitch. Fatty getting shot? Same thing. Mauled by a bear? The bear would have more flesh to eat, getting full and leaving before actually reaching any important internal organs! So see?! Being fat WILL save your life, so go out, eat a cheeseburger, and gain a pound or two! And quit worrying about all that junk like diabetes and heart disease…I mean, you are totally MUCH more likely to be mauled by a hungry bear, and someday, YOUR man-boobs may save YOUR life!